george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
