I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
