i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Randomize
