I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
