I need to stop coming to work sober
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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