If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
it was like his penis was on wheels.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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