I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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