I want to have your abortion
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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