i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
