dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Randomize
