I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
and eventually we just all took our pants off
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
