I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
