Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
