For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
