im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
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