First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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