Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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