Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
