Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
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