just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
