sorry about calling you the devil all night.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
NoShamevember. You game?
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
