I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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