I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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