Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
