Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I party with great urgency now.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
