Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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