you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
