That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
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