party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Its about making memories worth repressing
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
