i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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