this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
