Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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