she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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