Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
He has the fingertips of a God
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