Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize