I feel like abortions should bother me more
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
