I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
