I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
