she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
