Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
