Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Randomize
