oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
