Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
