oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
