I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
