wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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