the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
