hotel room ftw
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
