Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
