i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
