I just saw a hot homeless man
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
