how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
