I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
