my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
