she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize