Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
i think my cat just said my name.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Randomize
