If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
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