I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize