I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Randomize
