Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
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