Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
