Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
