dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
he shaved USA in his pubs
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize