so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
she told me i tasted like america
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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