I'm lost and stupid without you.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
