I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
