time to smoke my breakfast
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Don't tell me you're on acid again
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
