3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
