i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I want her autograph on my taint
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Randomize
