the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
