I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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