Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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