You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
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