What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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