we made out on top of his cat.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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