I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Randomize
