I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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