Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
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