haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
