First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
