The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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